Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm.If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'.
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it...
4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight...ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'.
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.
7) There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren't invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won't be invited to be there when it comes out either.
8) Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents' home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World
8 comments:
Wow all of the above is so so true. I love it! -Katie(mommy2bagain)
Rest assured that I will be the one cleaning your house! Being that I know nothing about a baby, cleaning\cooking is definitely my way of helping a sista out! Please don't take it offensive, I need to feel useful!
How's your cervix?
ALL of your sisters in law FAILED Rile Number ONE!!! Jerks...
I agree with the statment that you feel it takes a village to raise a child, and that is why I'm so thankful that most of my family are so helpful with the raising of my son. It is nice to have your family at the hospital with you when you go into labor/have the baby. What is not so nice( which I think the poster was reffering to) is when the visitors want to tell you what your supposed to do. Having a baby is a very special time but it can also be VERY emotional and stressful, depending on how you give birth. I had emergency c-section and I wasn't even able to get out of my bed to change my baby's diaper or pick up my new baby when he was crying. I had to have someone pick the baby him up and hand him to me. Then on top of all the emotions having people telling you what is best for the baby or telling you how you should do things makes you think twice about having that person there. I went the 9 months of carrying my son, I know what I'm doing.I used to work in L&D and I know first hand the importance of having the mother feel calm and comfortable with the major changes that have just occured to you body. Serious complications can arise from stress. High blood pressure, post partum depression etc. So whoever you invite to the hospital should feel privledged. People think that they were meant to have babies and they do so well with them but once reality hits and they have their own child certain unexpected disabilities can set in. Like PPD. So if that should happen, surround yourself with positve people who you know will help you and not push you further into the "deep end". If I do decide to have any family/friends present at the hospital when I have my new little one I will be wise this time on who comes.(Will probably have a repeat c/s)
My sister was not saying that she agreed with everything listed above, she just thought it was very funny. She'll be able to make her own judgements once she gets further along and has her baby. I think that it was not right for Sarah to make that comment. If she was offended she can write the woman who actually wrote that post. Otherwise it's a hit at my sister. Her blog is "hers". A memory of her pregnancy experiences and photos. She doesn't need negativity on her blog. I love you Nichole but you letting Sarah log on your account and write that is just saying you agree with everything she just said. Lacy is your family.
Ralphie - I just realized that I not only don't have a left phalange, but none at all. Oh no!!
Cole - you're not getting off that easy. You like cooking and cleaning so that won't be work for you. I see some serious diaper duty in your future.
AS long as a hose and one of those electric, motion censored, hand dryer things are around I'll change a diaper! Not to mention you will think I can make the best microwave dinners you've ever had!
Post a Comment